The two of you are showing signs of compatibility in one or more areas. It could be intellectual, humour, similar pursuits be it in leisure or employment, or perhaps even a suggestion of chemistry. You become eager to follow this up in meeting the person for the first time. But are there rules? You bet your sanity on it.
The above is an extreme case, and in reality you are more likely to be "played" (more on that later) than you are to be a victim like the above. Either way you want to minimise potential angst moments. There are rules for women and rules for men. There are rules for single mothers and rules for men. There are rules of etiquette and rules for men. Okay I admit I am being flippant, but my flippancy is actually there to indicate rules change according to circumstances; and of course they are not rules per se as we all have choice, but common sense suggestions mainly for women like myself.- Meet in YOUR comfort zone ladies but NOT too close to your home (you do not want your very own stalker now do you)!
I admit I am fortunate for my comfort zone is quite substantial: from the town I grew up in (a historical place no less), pass my village where I live (yes NOT in) and to the city wherein I work (according to a patient on Holby City: the anus of England - but it is not quite that bad).
- Meet in a public place. Never have him pick you up for a first date under any circumstances. This is your health and safety rule, and to use jargon of the 21st century: a no-brainer.
- Have someone aware of where you are going and any details of the person you are going to meet. This is particularly important if sex is or could be on the agenda. This is the 21st century and modern women admit to wanting sex just as much as the men do and should be free to go out and get it, albeit safely. Safe sex should not just refer to condoms.
- Single Mums: Please, please, please do not invite or agree to allow a man to enter your premises on a first date basis just because you cannot get a baby-sitter or your libido is overtaking all rational thought. Your home is your haven and that of your children.
Sexual urges are natural and the satiating of these urges can at times seem imperative. As a short term solution do browse the adult toy industry. Sex toys nowadays are often part of the norm in modern sexual relationships. A chapter for the future methinks.
- Choose an activity with which you will feel most relaxed, something to do that may overcome any potential nerves.
Personally I find nursing a drink NOT conducive to getting to know someone. I find lunch or dinner dates most suitable for first dates. Awkward moments can literally be swallowed up with a mouthful of the Chef's Special. There is normally a pleasant ambience in pub/hotel/restaurant settings and noise-free so that you can chat to and listen to your date.
- Once the setting and activity has been chosen, suggest it to your date in language which empowers you and sets forth where the onus lies. For example the guy has offered to meet you for coffee, your response could be "I'll let you invite me to lunch".
Perhaps I am old-fashioned but I like a guy to be a gentleman on a first date and that includes the etiquette of before, during and after meeting, and of paying. Perhaps when I become a high-flyer and can match or exceed my potential date's salary, then I will foot the bill (and Paris could be on the agenda for date two).
And on the subject of etiquette, when I met F for the first time it made us both laugh that he did not have a clue as to why I was standing back from the restaurant door and waiting... Perhaps only English gentleman are thus "trained", as F is French. Lately though I have sadly come to believe pulling chairs out for a lady belongs to the black-and-white film era.
And on the subject of etiquette, when I met F for the first time it made us both laugh that he did not have a clue as to why I was standing back from the restaurant door and waiting... Perhaps only English gentleman are thus "trained", as F is French. Lately though I have sadly come to believe pulling chairs out for a lady belongs to the black-and-white film era.
So, the date looms...
As a man, while i totally agree with the sentiment of your article and do open doors for my dates, I’d like to draw your attention to Players! They are NOT all men.
ReplyDeleteWhile whatever happens on a date, happens with regard to shhh sex! i would like to point out that to some people the act of buying a lady dinner and the thought of getting luck tend to go hand in hand.
A first date shouldn't be about dinner it should be about getting to know someone, so who is the player the man who chats to several women while not actively dating any of them or the woman who instigates dates for dinner? This lucky lady never cooks or buys any food as she eats out every night..
Food for Thought!
Of course not all players are male (which I actually draw the readers attention to in the next chapter).
ReplyDeleteAs for the lucky lady... just food for thought (excuse the repeated pun), but surely the lady would be skin and bone if she purely relied on dinner dates to feed her every night of the week. Perhaps it would be more realistic to suggest once a week/fortnight/month.
I do thank you for your comment though, as it is good to recognise differing opinions.
Maybe a future chapter on appropriate food to order? Like nothing messy with a white blouse? or avoiding garlic!
ReplyDeletePerhaps not a whole chapter but yes I like your idea. I also would add eating fish the day before a date (first or otherwise) may not be too wise.
ReplyDelete